I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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