bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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