can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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