Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Come on in and take your pants off
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