You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
