I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
