I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
