it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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