Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
