You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
