Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
