I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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