I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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