you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
