Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
