He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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