I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
