Can i not drive my cunt home
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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