Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
