I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
