I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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