I could make wine with my vomit
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
