Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
