erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
