I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
