If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
