1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
