I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
