Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
