You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
