so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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