she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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