can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
