his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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