can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
