Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
