Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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