Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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