he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
