First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
