Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
