What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
