Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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