Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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