I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
