I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
