He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
