My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
