Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The struggles of a small town man whore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
