I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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