ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
