apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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