i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
