Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
