I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
